tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64102747939788143062023-11-15T10:12:42.848-05:00retail hell(ish)John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-47308414981523861602008-08-27T19:23:00.001-04:002008-08-27T19:24:24.145-04:00Lifetime Real WomenI'm stuck at my mom's apartment until I move back to NYC.<br /><br />I'm watching episodes of The Division and Strong Medicine, and I feel like I'm taking estrogen.<br /><br />I haven't started crying yet. I'm more shaking my head, not believing my life has sunk so low...John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-10725851897809189392008-08-26T21:49:00.003-04:002008-08-26T22:22:39.631-04:00guitar hero and rock bandSo, I've been working out pretty much every other day, right? You'd have to go back and look where it was that I started, I think I mentioned it here and, frankly, I'm too lazy.<br /><br />So, when you know, let me know. But it's got to be at least two months.<br /><br />And I've seen a difference! And it's awesome, you know. I'm pleased with the results, I'm happy I'm doing something proactive about my health and all.<br /><br />But, let me tell you about feats of strength.<br /><br />I have been stuck on Rock Band's hard level... Stevie Ray Vaughn, goddammit... Pride and Joy is one hard song... on 'hard'.<br /><br />I played it 14 times on Monday. I couldn't get it. I could not.<br /><br />I get home tonight, after working out, and I see that I didn't save the game, so I have to do Tenacious D's "The Metal" <i>again</i>, which is tough in its own right.<br /><br />Takes me three tries, but I do it. So, at least I can save it, thank god.<br /><br />My arm is killing me. My hands hurt. This is just not going to happen.<br /><br />First time, pffft.<br /><br />Second time, psssshhhhh.<br /><br />Third time, let me tell you, my heart was raci...<br /><br />Wait a second.<br /><br />Wait, wait, wait.<br /><br />Wait.<br /><br />I think like 3 people read this blog. For those of you who don't know what Rock Band and Guitar Hero is... let's see if YouTube can school you... hmmm.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/LkOkFahBqAA&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/LkOkFahBqAA&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Picture me:<br /><br /><img src="http://www.wordsfromhere.com/images/john_beach.jpg"><br /><br />Tee-hee!<br /><br />Singing! No sunglasses, of course...<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />OK, ok, sometimes with sunglasses.<br /><br />With my buddies. Walter on the drums (he rocks) and Pete on guitar (he's awesome). Sometimes we switch. Walter will sing and I'll play bass... I can't play the drums for shit.<br /><br />So, that's Rock Band.<br /><br />Let's see if I can find a Guitar Hero clip that doesn't have a 12 year old Asian kid who's an idiot savant and will be in an institution in a couple of years, having gone insane from flashing lights and finger cramping...<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/1iX3fLteBlg&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/1iX3fLteBlg&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Yeah, ok, I found that. And that's 'expert,' which, as you can probably surmise, is one level higher than 'hard' which won't be happening for me any time this side of Christmas, unless I practice ten hours a day, and get cataract surgery, when I need it.<br /><br />All those discs at the bottom, those correspond with, I guess you'd call them frets, on the guitar you get with the game. And you have to strum a plastic doohicky (not the proper spelling) every time one of those things hits the discs, and hold down the appropriate...<br /><br />Yeah, it's hard.<br /><br />So, tonight I finally conquered Pride And Joy. And my arm and my hands both hate me. Which is not good.<br /><br />So.<br /><br />That's the news.<br /><br />JJohn Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-4031420361040683102008-08-22T14:15:00.003-04:002008-08-22T15:09:48.962-04:00olympicsRegardless of people's decisions to ban watching them, or take them seriously, or what-not, there is still a sense of excitement every time a Phelps or a Bolt or a... well, you get the idea.<br /><br />So, in the spirit, I present to you this <a href="http://stuff.thdesign.be/forum/varia/OS.html" target="_blank">fantastic collection of photos</a> (some NSFW) of this years Olympics.<br /><br />(edit)<br /><br />AND, an <a href="http://www.karikuukka.com/peking2008/100m/" target="_blank">AWESOME</a> panoramic shot... check this thing out. Hold your button down and drag to a direction.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-16303925491007107672008-08-20T17:14:00.002-04:002008-08-20T17:36:12.129-04:00surviving the hurricaneWell, we had torrential rain, sleet, snow, cows, and...<br /><br />No, wait, we had 4 minutes of rain. That's about it.<br /><br />Here's some fun stuff, you know, away from talking about business and gambling and all that goes with it.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/QQlzX7EyIwU&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/QQlzX7EyIwU&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eCwggNaO8L8&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eCwggNaO8L8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMyHuCVaRaE&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMyHuCVaRaE&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Hope all is well.<br /><br />Amy, thanks for asking about me!John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-80517792366239471922008-08-08T11:40:00.004-04:002008-08-09T13:35:31.710-04:00back around againFirst, one of the best videos I've seen this year.<br /><br /><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1825193&fullscreen=1" width="480" height="360" ><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /><param name="AllowScriptAccess" value="true" /><param name="movie" quality="best" value="http://www.collegehumor.com/moogaloop/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1825193&fullscreen=1" /></object><div style="padding:5px 0; text-align:center; width:480px;">See more <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/videos">funny videos</a> and <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/pictures">funny pictures</a> at <a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/">CollegeHumor</a>.</div><br /><br />Now, let's recap a couple of weeks of stuff here, so that you can be up to speed on my life and business and all.<br /><br />We hired a PR firm, <a href="http://www.releasepr.com/" target="_blank">Release PR</a>. We've sent out 3 press releases, and sent out a ton of product samples. It's been right exhausting.<br /><br />Let's see.<br /><br />Went to Atlantic City with my girl Karen, and played 3-card poker at the behest of <a href="http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Crotchety</a>. Won $300. Made the trip worthwhile.<br /><br />It was our birthday weekend. My birthday was Sunday, the 3rd. Her's was the 31st of July. We had fun. The trip down was a joke. We spent almost 4 hours on the bus, when it should have been about 2.5 hours. Got to The Taj, went to get our vouchers cashed in (casinos give vouchers for visitors who come by bus), and they wanted Karen to get a card to get her money. What a joke.<br /><br />Not the nicest thing, but after our trip, I had zero patience. We were there to play a 4pm poker tournament, and were running late.<br /><br />Got to Harrah's and the line for checking in, ON A SUNDAY, was over 100 people. It took an hour just to get to the check in desk. By that time, the tournament was already under way. That sucked.<br /><br />From there it was gambling and fun. They upgraded our room at Harrah's, which was nice. <br /><br />Coming home, the bus basically flew all the way.<br /><br />I'm at the store, listening to the most horrible music imaginable, bored out of my mind.<br /><br />Someone please write me a comment so I have something to break the monotony.<br /><br />JohnJohn Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-48236316444196463852008-07-24T16:25:00.002-04:002008-07-24T16:34:38.310-04:00TequileriaI'm in the Tampa airport. It's 4:17 and my flight is delayed 3 hours. For no particular reason, as the NY area does not have rain right now, though they did in the morning.<br /><br />So, I've started drinking.<br /><br />The couple next to me, in their 50s at least, were carded. They asked what I was typing earlier, which was a joke of politics entry, and I told them. The wife made a face when I mentioned that McCain screwed up a few times this week and people are thinking he's going senile, or at least too old for President.<br /><br />Basically she brushed me off, like "why would anyone take seriously him saying that Iraq and Pakistan border each other?"<br /><br />I'm not sure. But I think most people would like their next President to NOT be a fucking moron.<br /><br />The woman opposite me is balancing her checkbook.<br /><br />Ah, the lost and lonely of the Tampa airport.<br /><br />I'm heading to NY, to celebrate Karen's and my birthday. Her's is the 31st. Mine is August 3rd. We're going down to Atlantic City to try and win next months rent.<br /><br />Crotchety, I'll do my best to play some slots in your honor.<br /><br />I wish the flight wasn't so delayed. There's only so much drinking I can do with 3 hours to wait. Then, I'll get on the flight and want to drink more, at extortion prices, or I'll have a stomach ache and throw up on my neighbor.<br /><br />Or both. You never know these days. One bottom out and I could shoot puke three rows.<br /><br />What else is going on today? Just work, the usual. Nothing much.<br /><br />Going to see The Dark Knight tomorrow, on IMAX, at 9:30 AM, and it better be deserted. I don't want a bunch of crying kids spoiling my fun. Our fun.<br /><br />Then it's cooking dinner. Then it's, oh, she's got this killer gym in the building, so, we'll be working out. And, ahem.<br /><br />Saturday, not sure what's going to happen, but I'm hoping to get together with my buddies at my friend Pete's restaurant. We shall see.<br /><br />Nothing much else going on, though and I can only type for so long before I start repeating myself, and that's never fun, unless on purpose.<br /><br />So, I hope you're all enjoying yourselves. And if I die in the plane crash, Karen gets the L painting. Just, you know, so that it's a matter of record.<br /><br />The rest of you, sorry, you get nothing but fond memories of my brief blog writing career.<br /><br />Wish me luck.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-10165747198599743352008-07-20T14:54:00.002-04:002008-07-20T15:02:42.368-04:00couple of things<a href="http://www.instantrimshot.com/" target="_blank">One</a>.<br /><br /><a href="http://drhorrible.com/" target="_blank">Two</a>.<br /><br /><a href="https://notes.utk.edu/bio/greenberg.nsf/0/6f7dd8b9270db5c585256d0d001e0a93?OpenDocument" target="_blank">Three</a>.<br /><br />Four.<br /><br /><object width="464" height="392"><param name="movie" value="http://embed.break.com/NTM5NzU4"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://embed.break.com/NTM5NzU4" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowScriptAccess=always width="464" height="392"></embed></object><br><font size=1><a href="http://www.break.com/index/wrestlers-need-a-chair-and-fans-deliverb.html">Wrestlers Need A Chair And Fans Deliver</a> - Watch more <a href="http://www.break.com/">free videos</a></font><br /><br />Ahhh.<br /><br />Now.<br /><br />For those of you interested in watching some amazing movies you might not have heard about (this, of course, depends on how many movies you do watch), I would like to recommend two.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364569/" target="_blank">One.</a> MUST be watched in its original language. Half of Min-sik Choi's incredible acting is in his inflection.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0235737/" target="_blank">Two.</a><br /><br />Both are nearly perfect, if not fully. If you want another semi-mainstream movie that I believe is perfect, you know, for reference. American Psycho.<br /><br />There you have it.<br /><br />Hope you're well.<br /><br />JJohn Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-43250764561929354172008-07-19T10:35:00.003-04:002008-07-19T10:36:53.012-04:00Holy cow<a href="http://pixdaus.com/pics/12150552549nQeqHt.jpg" target="_blank">Statue of Liberty picture, circa 1883</a>.<br /><br />So unbelievable.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-63608354498067203682008-07-18T16:13:00.001-04:002008-07-18T16:13:44.374-04:00Cat HouseNo, not the brothel.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vwM6f0liHpo&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vwM6f0liHpo&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-11369304501331349632008-07-16T11:36:00.001-04:002008-07-16T11:37:42.080-04:00a crazy storyIt's a long <a href="http://outside.away.com/outside/features/200508/dave-shaw-1.html" target="_blank">article</a> but it is so worth it.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-59095979805601578782008-07-11T14:53:00.004-04:002008-07-11T15:03:32.084-04:00Ride the SnakeIs everybody in?<br /><br />Is. Everybody. In?<br /><br />2 customers, thus. Friday, 2:45pm.<br /><br />I'm watching Oliver Stone's ham handed vision of The Doors. Kilmer was, of course, a perfect casting choice. But god, Stone loves to hammer those images into you.<br /><br />I loved Natural Born Killers. I went with my then girlfriend Trissa, who, afterward, would not talk to me for three hours.<br /><br />His earlier work is good. I'm not sure what to think of his new film W.<br /><br />I also have Apocalypse Now. Some more light viewing.<br /><br />Tired today. No stupid customers to write about, which is a shame, since they've always filled my entertainment quota for the day.<br /><br />Exhausted, even. Not sure why. I changed my blog roll. Good sites, all.<br /><br />Bradley, if you're reading, I hope things are going well with the weight loss. I've consistently been working out, but I've only lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks. I guess it's true what they say*.<br /><br />This weekend will be relaxing and possibly going to see a movie, biking around a bit, trying to beat the heat. Putting into effect the plans for my escape from Florida.<br /><br />I need comments from people. I need to know how people are doing. Beyond their blogs. At this moment.<br /><br />* I have no idea what they say.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-34920798704595066532008-07-08T20:26:00.002-04:002008-07-08T21:00:28.894-04:00so many thingsFirst off, I'm not working the retail store, but once a week. Takes a lot of the steam out of retail hell-ish, but eh, what's in a name.<br /><br />I'm sure the world of retail has not left me permanently. Which is a shame.<br /><br />Secondly. Put in my 60 days notice to get the hell out of here. I have mixed feelings. I'm sure you can understand. It's not leaving. It's not the culture shock I'm bound to experience in the great city. It's leaving my family. Blech. Haven't had to do that in seventeen years.<br /><br />Third. I'm exhausted. We've been busting our asses trying to get a new fall line of soaps ready, on top of the Christmas line. We've sent out over 15 packages to different magazines, newspapers and more. We have another 10 to go, not to mention the second release hits next week. Who knows what that will bring.<br /><br />Fourth. I've been working out, every other day, for over a month now. And I can see a huge difference. Not so much weight wise, but I can see more mass, more muscle. It's hot. Seriously. I get home, I can't wait to take off my shirt and go all Hulk (tm) in the mirror, you know?<br /><br />Then I sit down, and half an hour later I'm in so much pain, I just sleep on the couch.<br /><br />But still. HULK!<br /><br />Fifth. Looks like Karen and I are driving up to NY. Or maybe Karen is driving. I'll be navigating, which means doing nothing.<br /><br />Unless I get my driver's license soon, and I don't think that driving the east coast is a good starters lesson.<br /><br />Sixth. I put in Death Race 2000 to watch, and was really enjoying it, and then the dvd cut out on me, unfortunately. That movie is a lot of fun. And Tak Fujimoto did the photography! Who'd have thought that?<br /><br />Tak is the genius behind a TON of blockbuster films like Silence of the Lambs, The Sixth Sense, Signs, older stuff like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, That Thing You Do!, and a lot more.<br /><br />Many years ago, my dad used to take my sister and I to Lake George, in upstate NY. There were two or three amusement parks up there, and we used to hit them all. I remember one was Magic Forest, there was another one, but the one we always went to, practically every day, was Great Escape.<br /><br />Before it was purchased by Six Flags, it was this regular, rural park, with rides and games, a saloon and all these fun shows, like magicians and comedians and all.<br /><br />But the coolest thing they had. Beyond cool. Was the car museum.<br /><br />And it wasn't just one place. These cars were all over the park.<br /><br />And they were all the cars from Death Race 2000.<br /><br />Man. I can still see them, all. Anyway, I did a search and couldn't really find them there any more. Some exec probably said "What the hell are these things, get rid of them."<br /><br />Which is something execs do.<br /><br />Hope you're all well. I'll keep you posted on my NY trip back home as things progress.<br /><br />JJohn Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-31498751975646017442008-07-04T10:38:00.002-04:002008-07-04T10:47:24.097-04:00anyone seen Wall•E yet?I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed the message, I enjoyed the animation, the story, the characters, I really liked it a lot. I haven't been disappointed in a Pixar film yet.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.metafilter.com/72958/Wowe-Malthusian-Fear-Mongering-Can-Be-Annoying#2167675" target="_blank">Read this comment</a> about something that happened during the making of the film. It's really very sweet.<br /><br />The film has been picking up a <a href="http://defamer.com/5020076/everyone-who-loves-wall+e-step-forward-not-so-fast-republicans-fat-people" target="_blank">lot of flack</a>. From people who are upset about it's pro-green message, to fat people who think they are being unfairly portrayed.<br /><br />I'm 34 years old. I'll be 35 in a month or so. I think that when I finally reached my 'adult' years, I was smack at the beginning of the PC rage.<br /><br />I wonder when morals and deeper messages about the prospective plight of humans turned into lies we shouldn't tell our children. When did we start coddling our present?<br /><br />Such a shame. The morals of Wall•E are far reaching. We keep making mistake after mistake. And these people who are upset about the message in this film are happy with the status quo. Those are the people who should be ashamed. Of themselves.<br /><br />Such a shame.<br /><br />It's a brilliant movie, and worth seeing in the theaters.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-44989297804145358702008-07-03T13:19:00.001-04:002008-07-03T13:20:43.782-04:00Scoopy McSyrupProbably haven't told anyone about this. Check it out:<br /><br /><a href="http://scoopymcsyrup.com" target="_blank">Scoopy McSyrup.com</a>.<br /><br />Then check this out, my friends signed me up as a <a href="http://scoopymcsyrup.com/president.html" target="_blank">presidential candidate</a>.<br /><br />Awesome.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-15045878915541502362008-07-02T17:04:00.000-04:002008-07-02T17:05:09.041-04:00one of the best commercials you'll never see<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/z70zNOSZ160&hl=en"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/z70zNOSZ160&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-59890518492699644792008-06-30T21:52:00.002-04:002008-06-30T21:54:23.801-04:00the website is DOWNI laughed so hard <a href="http://www.thewebsiteisdown.com" target="_blank">at this...</a> I used to do IT work, and while it wasn't this complicated (worked on macs, did local network stuff)... well, this is so brilliant, I can't stand it.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-6061445699680975412008-06-28T17:44:00.001-04:002008-06-28T17:45:35.691-04:00New York, NYC, Manhattan and all points in between<a href="http://flickr.com/photos/digicana/2617994799/sizes/o/" target="_blank">Check it</a>.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-8337262912839485252008-06-26T18:46:00.000-04:002008-06-26T18:47:06.273-04:00remi<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KXsY2r1_9C0&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KXsY2r1_9C0&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />More <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/nqtv" target="_blank">here</a>.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-64462493224378157162008-06-25T15:36:00.001-04:002008-06-25T15:36:12.762-04:00Herpex<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wrVqD67zils&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wrVqD67zils&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-74066951502662743492008-06-25T13:39:00.002-04:002008-06-25T13:57:20.794-04:00ah, Florida, I will never forget youMaybe.<br /><br />Since February 1st, 2008, I have been diagnosed with the following:<br /><br />Severe depression*<br /><br />Multiple Personality Disorder*<br /><br />Bi-polar disorder*<br /><br />Restless Leg Syndrome*<br /><br />Agoraphobia*<br /><br />Fistaphobia*<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wcfLXFMthic&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wcfLXFMthic&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />And a whole bunch more phobias that you've never ever heard of.<br /><br />Like Phallophobia. Shudder.<br /><br />It looks like, after having receiving a nice laundry list of problems from numerous specialists, that I will be leaving the prison of Florida.<br /><br />When is up for debate, but any light at the tunnel is still a light... at the...<br /><br />We'll see how it goes. I'm not too keen on just leaving my mom and my sister to flounder without help. My main concern is for their stable financial future, and if I'm not on the payroll, that will help them.<br /><br />Those of you who feel like helping promote the Soapier brand, I will be starting an affiliate program through our shopping cart. We're offering 20% of sales to affiliates, which I think it a great percentage. More soon, it should start July 1st.<br /><br />Other than that, things are things. I just had some woman come in and tell me she's a massage therapist and that she uses our massage oils for her customers.<br /><br />"Oh, that's great. We have only had like one or two serious health problems with them, so that's good."<br /><br />They looked at me... man, it was hysterical. I told them I was kidding. They laughed, we talked a bit. The father gave me some money for some soap, said keep the penny.<br /><br />I said thanks, it'll go towards our pending lawsuits.<br /><br />I'm such a funny guy.<br /><br /><font size="-2">* I have not been diagnosed with any of these disorders.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Sigh.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And no, I'm not afraid of erect penises, sheesh. At least, not my own.</font>John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-52469698384810089782008-06-22T22:36:00.002-04:002008-06-22T22:44:41.633-04:00Archery, raining and where the hell is Matt?First off, a video:<br /><br /><object width="400" height="225"> <param name="allowfullscreen" value="true" /> <param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /> <param name="movie" value="http://www.vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1211060&server=www.vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" /> <embed src="http://www.vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=1211060&server=www.vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="400" height="225"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://www.vimeo.com/1211060?pg=embed&sec=1211060">Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)</a> from <a href="http://www.vimeo.com/user484313?pg=embed&sec=1211060">Matthew Harding</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com?pg=embed&sec=1211060">Vimeo</a>.<br /><br />So awesome. From <a href="http://www.wherethehellismatt.com" target="_blank">Where The Hell Is Matt.com</a>.<br /><br />Had a nice weekend. Here's a 15 second clip of my recording Karen shooting a composite bow.<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yDPrYKDWJyg&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/yDPrYKDWJyg&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Sorry it's a bit poor quality, but we went to a neat archery place in Tarpon Springs, had a blast. I didn't use the composite bow too much because I basically thought it was cheating. So I used a fiberglass bow. The guy who owns the place strung a wood bow together, and it was AWESOME.<br /><br />My new hobby. <br /><br />It poured like a crazy person here. For two whole days we've had rain, and that hasn't happened in over 3 months. The pond out front of our complex was drying up, as was one down the block. I was very thankful we had the rain, as were the duckies and turtle I've seen, I'm sure.<br /><br />So, I had a MAJOR anxiety attack yesterday, right? Freaking out, I'm in the middle of cooking, I can't calm down, I'm eating food, drinking vitamin waters. <br /><br />Finally it subsides, but I spend the rest of the day thinking I'm going to puke just from all the adrenaline.<br /><br />Karen goes "I wasn't worried, that's why I didn't get off the couch."<br /><br />It was pretty funny.<br /><br />"There's nothing wrong with you. I didn't get off the couch because how severe your condition was."<br /><br />We laughed about that.<br /><br />Then I punched her in the face!<br /><br />She's headed back to NYC. I'm tired. We made brownies. I ate too many.<br /><br />And now, after all that, we're having a competition to see who can lose the largest percentage of weight between now and when I go up to NYC for our birthdays (her's is July 31st, mine August 3rd). So, I have to purge all the brownies (thank god there's only one left) and continue working out.<br /><br />Hope everyone had a good weekend.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-47999664685082547542008-06-21T21:19:00.002-04:002008-06-21T21:26:58.107-04:00The importance of exerciseNow, I can go on about how healthy I feel, how less depressed I am, how I've taken exercise and turned it into a hobby rather than a chore.<br /><br />No.<br /><br />No, no, no.<br /><br />What I'm going to tell you is WHY I'm exercising. For some, it will be a surprise. For others, well, I'm sure they'll empathize.<br /><br />I will not, under any circumstances, die while having sex.<br /><br />I won't do it.<br /><br />So, there you go.<br /><br />I just came back from seeing Get Smart with Karen, who's down from NYC for the weekend, and I have just got to say that every single theater, everywhere, has got its talkers and obnoxious laughers and just all around morons, because tonight I did not enjoy the movie as much as I would have, had I not had an ENTIRE ROW of awful laughers and talkers behind me.<br /><br />Oh man.<br /><br />We looked at each other a few times whenever something really obnoxious was guffawed or spit out of their mouths. I'm constantly amazed, as I get over, the people who feel they need to say something at the most obvious times. Not just in the movies, but outside, in the real world as well.<br /><br />As Chuck Palahniuk wrote in Lullaby, these quiet-a-phobics. These noise-a-holics.<br /><br />Ugh.<br /><br />Now I'm making brownies. We're having brownies, salt & vinegar kettle chips and wine. It's not cosmopolitan. It's just a delicious combination.<br /><br />Tomorrow we're going to hit the archery range. Can't wait for that.<br /><br />Hope you're all having a good weekend.<br /><br />J - retail hell (ish)John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-92219721516741559312008-06-19T14:30:00.002-04:002008-06-19T14:36:30.211-04:00the day I quitOk, so, two years ago I quit my job working as a temp doing little tiny illustrations for text books. I mean, can there be any other job in the world that would have as high a suicide rate? Ok, I'm sure there are some.<br /><br />I sent out an email to the whole company after receiving an email that was directed to the entire company that said this:<br /><br />"Where were you on 6,6,6?<br /><br /><br />Make it a good one."<br /><br />They were talking about June 6th, 2006, the day the remake of The Omen came out.<br /><br />So, I decided to take a moment and write a funny story:<br /><br />"I woke up in darkness. Seriously. I couldn't see anything, and my bed felt like a pile of goo. I was trying to figure out why there was no light, when I realized that my cat had sat on my head.<br /><br />Truly frightening.<br /><br />The goo was this new tempra foam mattress pad. You really must get one.<br /><br />I showered, I ate breakfast. I felt obscenely close to killing all of humanity, while I finished my Special K. Oh, and I was watching an episode of The Simpsons, their IV Halloween Special.<br /><br />From there, I got onto the subway. Id never brought an ax onto the R line before. Usually, people are down-right miserable, dreading going to work. This morning, they seemed more... animated.<br /><br />I went to grab the express train which was closing up, ready to pull out of the station. I waved to the conductor, ax in hand. Id never seen a conductor smile and cry, at the same time.<br /><br />The N train was very similar to the R train, except now the crowd seemed to be shying away from me, as if I smelled REALLY bad. In truth, I think it was the homeless guy that was sitting down in front of me, but when he moved... I had to check under my shoes, just in case, you know?<br /><br />I got to 34th street without further incident, and took the walk up the stairs slow, whilst sharpening my ax. Ever have a police officer throw his gun at your feet and start crying for him mommy? Its something everyone should experience.<br /><br />Down 32nd street. Asian people left and right were running from me, as if I were Godzilla.<br /><br />Round the corner at 32nd and Madison, into the heavy double doors of this building (I swear, I'm breaking them down today) and, at first, I thought that curly haired guy who presides over the 1 x 2 booth by the elevators was going to ask me for ID. Again.<br /><br />He fainted.<br /><br />Now, I'm transferred to the 4th floor, among bras and brassieres and panties... It's all been very soothing.<br /><br />BUT. I'm waiting for Dave Blumenfeld to give me work... And, I have to say, things might get messy.<br /><br />John<br />Son of the Devil."<br /><br />And then I got in trouble. The VP said it was a very inappropriate e-mail, and people were offended. I was then asked to send out a formal apology. So, I originally wrote this:<br /><br />"In regards to my response to Tyrone's 666 e-mail, my apologies to the following who might have found what I wrote insulting:<br /><br />Asians<br />Homeless people<br />Transit workers<br />Anyone without a penis<br />Anyone who once had a penis<br />Satan worshippers who took the day off and didn't get this e-mail yet<br />Anyone with large breasts<br />Anyone with small breasts<br />Medium breasts<br />Godzilla<br />My face sitting cat<br />My immediate boss, who I'm going to ax in the face, regardless of whether or not I have a job tomorrow<br /><br />And so on. For those of you with a huge stick up your asses, go fuck yourself. I don't need this crap temp-job as much as you need the incredibly good work I was doing.<br /><br />John"<br /><br />But then I just sent a regular apology email... only to get bombarded with emails saying it was the funniest thing they'd read in a while, and all that.<br /><br />Unreal. The guy who sent the initial letter sent a follow-up two minutes AFTER I sent mine.<br /><br />When I got the initial letter I was like "WOW, this place is cool! They do this?"<br /><br />No one likes to have fun any more. In corporate America.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-30897321978032889142008-06-19T14:20:00.001-04:002008-06-19T14:20:40.218-04:00my gay NYC subway storyYou asked for it. I got about two dozen emails asking me for this story.<br /><br />Actually, I got no emails. I got one comment. From <a href="http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">this old guy who yells at cars</a>. And he commented because he's got his own subway story.<br /><br />So here goes. The dueling banjos of subway stories. And I hate dueling banjos. When <a href="http://retailhellish.blogspot.com/2008/05/heebie-jeebies.html" target="_blank">my neighbor plays it</a>.<br /><br />This story, btw, is not for kids. I'll keep the curse words down to a minimum... ok, actually, that's a lie. I can't do that.<br /><br />Christ, I'm sitting here and saying to myself "Don't post this story. For god sake, man, your MOM reads this."<br /><br />Mom. Stop reading.<br /><br />Ok, you know what? Seriously, NOT the place for this post. I'm not trying to build this up, but I'll let you go read it <a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=69401931&blogID=305341849&Mytoken=4F9F47F0-185F-408C-ADA24FD9C3C8417B103332746" target="_blank">here</a>. Deals with gays, sex and a lot of... information. But it's very funny.<br /><br />You've been warned.<br /><br />JJohn Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410274793978814306.post-84242622346315668272008-06-19T11:32:00.002-04:002008-06-19T11:48:42.841-04:00ear candles and thrillerSo I'm sitting here minding my own business when a customer comes in, looks around, looks at me and asks "Do you have any ear candles?"<br /><br />I look at her, my body concentrating on doing two things. One. Don't yell at her. Two. Keep jaw from dropping.<br /><br />"No, I don't. You know, you can just make one yourself."<br /><br />Blank faces.<br /><br />"With a piece of paper, wrapped in a cone, put it in the ear... you can just look up how to do it."<br /><br />"Oh. Thank you."<br /><br />Her friend said "Isn't it amazing what you hear?"<br /><br />I rolled my eyes and thank god for curbing my appetite for blood.<br /><br />So, I'm going through the 180 shots we took of product on Tuesday. I have my itunes on, and I'm listening to my collection of 80's music and what comes on?<br /><br />So, I had to <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8" target="_blank">watch the video</a>, you know? I had to. Sorry, no embedding this one.<br /><br />Then, you know, you have to watch all the others...<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OPmYbP0F4Zw&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OPmYbP0F4Zw&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/hMnk7lh9M3o&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/hMnk7lh9M3o&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />And I just <a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=VfIH-Bn_fbE" target="_blank">saw this</a> for the first time and busted out laughing.<br /><br />Ah, youtube.John Painzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17517341580014879088noreply@blogger.com0