It's 1:15pm on Monday. Over the weekend I had the bright idea of creating a political blog.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
But I figured I would give it a shot, since 35 hours of every week are spent combing the internet for funny photos of cats, videos of, well christ, anything right? And political articles on the two guys who are bidding to run the country.
Oh, and porn. But seriously, not at the store. That would just be creepy.
Is Victoria's Secret porn? NO. So shut up.
You shut up.
I started The Joke of Politics. Feel free to gander and comment.
Here's what politics boils down to.
You are so stupid.
Mom said you were adopted. By circus freaks. They fed you hay.
Your face is hay.
Your face is a circus freak show.
We look alike, stupid.
I don't look like a circus freak.
You look like dad.
I look like dad, you look like... stupid!
Mom, he said I look like a circus freak who got fed hay until you adopted me! Tell him I came from your belly and that you screamed for nine hours and you hate dad!
She doesn't hate dad. She hates you because you smell like hay and mud and we can't show your face to the neighbors.
She hates you.
No, she hates you.
She hates you because you don't even know how to eat a bowl of cereal without making a mess.
Hey! I have a deviated septum, it's not my fault.
You have a hairlip too.
You have a hairlip!
No I don't.
You have a hair... eyeball!
You have a... wait, a what?
You have a hairy eyeball!
I can't believe you think I was adopted. You have a deviated septum and a hairlip from working at the circus.
I do not!
Yeah, you used to play around with the elephants until one day they stopped talking to you because you're stupid and they wanted to try and forget you.
Yeah. They even had elephant surgery to take you out of their brains.
They did not!
Yeah, they did. And the woman with the beard, she's your mom.
She is not. Mom!
Don't call for my mom, she's not your mom. Call her Miss.
See? She's not listening because mom only listens to her real children, and that's me.
You're so stupid.
I'm going to kill you in your sleep.
Monday, June 16, 2008