Thursday, May 22, 2008

the new credit card company

So, I'm sitting here Tuesday and I get this phone call from Crescent Processing. Google them... the first thing that comes up is their recruiting page. That's kind of scary.

So I say "Sorry, not interested, we're happy with who we have."

"We're not trying to change your mind, sir."


"No kidding."

"No, we just want to come by and give you our presentation, just in case you change your mind about your current credit card processing company."

Yes, I have perfect recall of bullshit. Seriously.

So, I say fine, whatever. The least it'll do is kill some time at the store.

Thursday morning, and this guy... really nice guy, but he looked like he was going to keel right over, he was huge. He sets up a laptop and is shaking and sweating and his face is beet red... and shows me the Crescent Processing Company video.

It's a promo piece for Terry Bradshaw's business promotion platform where semi-large companies pay him thousands of dollars to have their show featured on his program.

I sent an email to Broadcast News Corp, who produces the show, to see if I could get a copy of said video. It's not online. The email got bounced back. I guess things are going well.

So, I'll give you a play by play.

First, Terry is having a hard time reading the cue cards. It's understandable. He's not a boxer, but close.

Then we get these nice cute, fuzzy shots of people's businesses. One is a dry cleaners, one is a small gift shop business, one is a salon.

So, at first I'm like... that's clever. That small shop, with the gifts and ribbons and baskets... hell, that could be my shop!

And they start telling me all of these great things, like the cc readers are free, and that other cc businesses don't plan ahead for the future and that with technology growing and all... well, they just don't care about the little guy. And the little guy wants to compete with the big guy, goddammit!

Here's where it falls apart.

The spokesman for the company, possibly the owner, I couldn't tell I was too blinded by his faux smile and hair and tan... he starts reeling me in and explaining how the company doesn't charge for cc readers, and that other cc businesses don't plan ahead for the future and that with techno...

WHOA... wait just a minute!

Did you see that?

For four minutes, I heard the exact same thing from every single person on the video.


Jesus christ.

So we hear little testimonials from the three business owners. And it's almost like they decided to either:

A) hire the worst actors they could find that looked like real people...


B) find three local Dallas (they're in Dallas) businesses and write what they were supposed to say

It was a joke. One older woman (the gift shop owner that was supposed to look like my mom, except with a make-up paint sprayed face) looked like she was having trouble reading the cards, and just wanted a bagel with lox.

The funniest part was their representation of the other cc businesses out there.

Set the mood.

Things all of a sudden turn black and white... the woman, crabby looking and with glasses, is talking via a headphone, in a small cubicle, surrounded by volumes and volumes of books that MIGHT pertain to the cc reader in question... she looks harried... she looks inexperienced. She looks like a nightmare!

Cut to the Crescent Processing girl... and she looks hot! And knowledgeable and down to earth... and for god sake, she's in color!

What a joke.

Here's what they're trying to get salesmen and women to do.

So, whatever. We'll see what happens... I have to do research on them. The sales man, "Big Mike" was very nice... but that sales presentation was a joke, and if they're selling a lot based on just that (because it really sells itself) then...

Did you hear the story where 21% of the country believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth?


They must all be customers.


Cool post of the day:

Big Brother is Watching You at thekexperience. Check it out.


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